Funny Story

by Grant

    There I was, minding my own business. It was a warm sunshiney (not a word) day and I had just gotten off work and was headed to my Brother-in-law's house for dinner (I used to call it supper before my wife corrupted me). Since it was so warm, I rolled down my window just a bit (maybe a quarter of the way) and embarked on my 15 minute jaunt. There I was, minding my own business--woops, I already said that. Well, I was cruising down the highway between 55 and 60 (the price of gas has made me be very legal minded on speeding) and BAM! Unbelievable pain shot through my body. Wham! it just wouldn't stop. I weaved around on the road (mostly staying in my lane though) while I tried to figure out what was afflicting me. It didn't take me too long to realize that I had been stung, but the dang thing hadn't hit and run. He was a frickin' kamikaze. Ya know bees die when they sting, so I guess he decided that stinging me wasn't enough and he had to throw his whole not-dead-yet corpse at me and hang out on my mustache. I swear I heard him yell Banzai!

<sigh>

I finally grabbed his fluttering body w/ my right hand and threw him onto my passenger seat (good thing Rebekah wasn't there). I then pulled off the road and spent the next couple minutes yelling in pain every few seconds. The darn thing had stung me right below my right nostril. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a black speck on my mustache. It was the dastardly stinger! I saved it and took it and the still not-dead-yet bee to show Rebekah.

Well, after a few minutes most of the pain was gone. Just like any bee sting I guess. But the nice little post script is that for the next few days my upper lip became numb and swollen. I didn't think I was vain, but when you look like somebody punched you in the mouth, well... I guess I am.

Thankfully all is back to normal. But I have decided that all bees must die! I have become the Anti-Bee Avenger and have made it my mission to destroy bees everywhere. Armed with a blowtorch and a set of asbestos undies I will purge the scourge (ooh, that rhymes) of the bee hives throughout all of Christendom. Oh wait, I'm married and I have four kids. Never mind.

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